G,IHTW.

I to the corner store this morning to get cigarettes. I went in the front door and proceeded directly to the line, as I didn't have money for anything else but my wonderful cancer sticks. I stood behind a man being checked out by my potential cashier, and I noticed that I really liked the cashier's hair. It was a variation of 'the bump', except it was almost flat. It was sectioned like 'the bump' except instead of having a teased, pretty loose... bump, she had tight braids on a tight, smooth, shiny. I can't seem to find a picture of what i'm trying to describe, but it was really pretty. Then I noticed her face. She was pretty. I could never look like that. I'm not as pretty as 'ethnic' women. I think almost all ethnic women are pretty, if not aesthetically then in their confidence. I'm just a plain-looking Caucasian girl with low self-esteem and a slouch. My skin could never reach a complexion darker than white bread, with the exeption of sunburn.
So anyway, I was waiting in line when another woman opened the other register and said "Next!", so I stepped over and greeted her, and asked for newports. I've been checked out by her enough times before for her to not ask me for I.D. She didn't say hello to me like I did to her. She pretty much ignored me and spoke loudly to the man behind me, except when I appologized for counting change (I only had 4 dollar bills, I had to pay the rest in quarters and dimes). I recieved a short "It's okay" and she opened the register prematurely, stuffed my money in, gave me my nickle back (heh nickleback) and did all this without even looking at me. I said "have a nice day" and she did not. I know, I know, I'm over thinking this, but she's always so friendly to the people behind me or next to me, and not me. When I'm the only one in the store, she's quiet and reserved and acts like... I don't know like I'm a leper or something. I don't get it. Yea, this shouldn't bother me, but it does. It makes me not want to go back to that store everytime she's my cashier, but it's the closest one and it's just silly to drive farther away for something I can get two blocks from my house. And all this raises silly questions like "was I rude?, was I talking to myself? Did I seem fake?" I certainly hope I did't come off as fake, I mean, that's just how I am around people I don't know too well (when I do have to talk). I'm polite. At least I think I am. Am I supposed to be rude?

God, I hate the world.


most days anyway.