HAPPY NEW YEAR!! :D

WOOOOOOH! HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!!

Unfortunately I'm pretty much spending it alone. I came down to my mother's house so she wouldn't be alone, but she's been spending most of the night in her room....
I could have gone to a party a few blocks away from me, but frankly it would just be awkward. I haven't seen the people in a long time, and I've developed somewhat of a bad rep. First I was the drug-addict, then the drug-addict-slut, then the crazy person. Also, I'm not sure if I'm ready to be in a room full of drunks and stay sober. I've done well thus far, but I don't know if my will power is that good, yet.
I wasn't really invited anyway. I got some last minute you-can-come-if-you-wants so that would just make it all the more awkward. You know when people say that they don't really want you there, they just feel bad for you or something. I did get one legit invite to the same party from one kid, but it's not his house... soooooooo, yea.

Also, it's my birthday.... I turned 20 just after midnight. Go me.

Gosh, I'm pathetic, no?

Well, on the plus side, I didn't cry this year. I've broken the tradition!! The first time I cried on my birthday was the first birthday without my father around. I didn't realize that's why at first, but every year after that, at midnight, I would just start bawling and go sit in a bathtub or something weird. I think it also had to do with the fact that I hate the idea of getting older, and each year I inevitably do. And I've never had anyone to kiss on New Year, either. I would be the only one screaming "HAPPY NEW YEAR!!" while everyone else was hugging and kissing. I felt like that Van Gogh painting, Irises.

*sigh* Well hopefully this year will be better than the last, even if just a smidge. I'm going to be starting school soon, and hopefully crawling out of my funk. I am hopeful... hopefully I'll stay that way. And I hope everyone has a happy New Year and good luck in '09