I'm going to die alone.



That is all..

fruitless hopes

I am 21 years old. I've had 3 boyfriends (I think) since I've turned 21. I'm about to be 22 in January. WHY THE FUCK AM I SINGLE NOW?? I've actually found some one I like. By that I mean some one I enjoy talking to, listening to, being around, and that I can imagine spending long periods of time with. Yet, I can't express that towards this person. He makes me happy when I get a text, a call, a facebook notification, and yet, I become paper thin around him. I become way too nervous to interact like a human, so I turn myself into a mannequin, which I know that no one likes... so why, when I ACTUALLY have feelings of 'love' or compassion towards someone, can't I express them as freely as my feelings of lust?

OMG, am I an alcoholic slut???.... shit. I express myself more freely under the influence, yes, but..... *sigh* ... is that preventing me from true love?-- must I be drunk to tell this man how I feel? I want HIM to tell me how he feels first!!!!!!!!! Is that wrong? What if he's thinking the same about me?? Wait.. why would he think the same about me? .. I'm a loser, I only know minor details about things that I aspire to turn my career towards and bits of trivia I overhear or read about on StumbleUpon. I have nothing to offer anybody.

I am a nobody.

A loser.

A random blogger.

Who is hopefully anonymous.

With no life.

Hopes...

...But they must be fruitless.