ugh. It's 1:39 in the morning and I'm watching Lord of the Flies. GREAT MOVIE! Awesome book!!
i was texted by three people today. Called by two. I feel lonely. I've done nothing productive. I've done nothing social. How did I snap back to anti-sociality overnight?? :(
9.17.2010
9.16.2010
Hey! I'm back.... -.-' no one reads this blog but whatever here I go.
I stopped writing because I thought I was "fixed". Well I'm not. I'm 21, I live with my mom, I lost my job because someone was sexually harassing me, then I lost my other job because my ex-boyfriend hired me and he is and always has been a psycho, I procrastinated too long on signing up for college this semester, I'm cramping like a motherfucker, my "bff" hates me because of something I didn't do and other reasons I'll never understand, my other bff hasn't returned my happy birthday wishes, my 'new friends' don't understand me because I swing off the charts with my BPD and Bi-Polar disorder and I feel like the whole world is against me. I want to die. Anyone got any Xanax?? .. ugh, bad [inside] joke... I've been a vegetarian, a vegetarian that only eats 'humanely certified meat', a HOLY SHIT IT'S COLD OUT AND I'M TURNING PURPLE I'M EATING MEAT AGAIN in the winter, an aspiring Buddhist, a college student, a telemarketer, a wtf I'm too angry to be Buddhist, a bad daughter and in turn, a good one, a goth, a punk, a freak, a bad friend, a great friend, an artsy-fartsy indie girl who doesn't take anyone's shit, just a girl who doesn't take anyone's shit, a meek mouse who doesn't take anyone's shit but very passive-aggressively, back to where I am now (a raw bitch with no regards to anyone's feelings throwing a pity-party because no one understands me... WAAHHH! :'( )
I can't find a stable relationship and when I do, I find any method I can think of to make it unstable. I haven't been going to therapy. And I'm a little tipsy.
HOW DID I GET HERE!?!?!?!
For some reason, though I feel compelled to continue this half-dead (or maybe fully dead, just humor me here) blog.
I was reading my past posts and GAWD I'm bipolar. One day it's mope, the next it's BE POSITIVE GUYS! .... I'll try to be more consistent from now on, but I can't promise anything, though, as I write it as I feels it.
I stopped writing because I thought I was "fixed". Well I'm not. I'm 21, I live with my mom, I lost my job because someone was sexually harassing me, then I lost my other job because my ex-boyfriend hired me and he is and always has been a psycho, I procrastinated too long on signing up for college this semester, I'm cramping like a motherfucker, my "bff" hates me because of something I didn't do and other reasons I'll never understand, my other bff hasn't returned my happy birthday wishes, my 'new friends' don't understand me because I swing off the charts with my BPD and Bi-Polar disorder and I feel like the whole world is against me. I want to die. Anyone got any Xanax?? .. ugh, bad [inside] joke... I've been a vegetarian, a vegetarian that only eats 'humanely certified meat', a HOLY SHIT IT'S COLD OUT AND I'M TURNING PURPLE I'M EATING MEAT AGAIN in the winter, an aspiring Buddhist, a college student, a telemarketer, a wtf I'm too angry to be Buddhist, a bad daughter and in turn, a good one, a goth, a punk, a freak, a bad friend, a great friend, an artsy-fartsy indie girl who doesn't take anyone's shit, just a girl who doesn't take anyone's shit, a meek mouse who doesn't take anyone's shit but very passive-aggressively, back to where I am now (a raw bitch with no regards to anyone's feelings throwing a pity-party because no one understands me... WAAHHH! :'( )
I can't find a stable relationship and when I do, I find any method I can think of to make it unstable. I haven't been going to therapy. And I'm a little tipsy.
HOW DID I GET HERE!?!?!?!
For some reason, though I feel compelled to continue this half-dead (or maybe fully dead, just humor me here) blog.
I was reading my past posts and GAWD I'm bipolar. One day it's mope, the next it's BE POSITIVE GUYS! .... I'll try to be more consistent from now on, but I can't promise anything, though, as I write it as I feels it.
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