My mouth and my brain don't seem to want to operate on the same wavelength in certain situations. Whenever I try to say something in class (not too often, but I try) My face gets hot, I feel it change colors, my vocal chords stiffen up making me sound like a man or a little girl, depending on how hard I force the words out, and I stammer and ramble and usually miss my point. *sigh* I try to think of what I'm going to say before I raise my hand, but as soon as the teacher's finger is in my general direction it's kind of like I was dumped into ice water, except I'm not cold and my face is hot. Basically, my point will be over here, with me and the classroom, and what I end up actually saying will wonder off out the door down the hall and into the bathroom. *sigh again* I think most of this is because I get very nervous to begin with, and another part of it is that my voice comes out sounding really weird, making me self-conscience, making me more nervous. :(
I'm really trying to ground myself before classes start and calm my nerves down, but for some reason, whenever I raise my hand all that shtuff flies right out the window. It happens when I need to ask a question, too, even when the class isn't present. Not all questions, just the ones that make me feel stupid for asking (usually when the professor looks at me or talks to me like it's common knowledge). Once I feel the slightest insecurites, my body's in flight mode, but my brain wants to stay and ask more questions. *again with the sigh*
Such internal conflicts.
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